In this talk I review three fatal flaws of the DGP braneworld model, which has been put forward as a possible model for late time acceleration without a cosmological constant; Ghosts, Cosmological Crashes, and Instability of the 5D vacuum. The talk is based on work in collaboration with Charmousis, Kaloper, Myers and Padilla. 2) (The title refers to a film: The three burials of Melquiades Estra...